I could have stood there all night staring at you until the blackest of black removed you from my sight.
I stood there thinking about how many memories I’ve made with you in my life and how no matter where I will lead my life you will always be a part of me. I remembered my grandmothers wish before she left this earth was to be cremated and scattered into your vast blue. So we as a family fulfilled her wish which only makes me feel even more a part of you. You are my family.
You connect us as people, as specimen and as creatures. You remind me that we truly are one. Whenever I’m close to you I’m reminded of how little I am and how magnificent our world and universe is beyond our comprehension. This is beautiful to realize. It is humbling. It is everything I wish more people could give recognition toward.
When my grandfather was ill, he let us know that he too wanted to be cremated and scattered amongst your ever lasting body with the idea of living eternally with her. So this was ensured after his passing.
When I visit you now I think about eternal love. I think about how two people can live a very full life together in love. These days it is hard to see this, I believe, but it is real. It is possible.
On the night that my grandmother passed away I sat in a practice room at my university writing music on the piano. It must have been nearly midnight as I sat there in the quiet room with only a daunting melody to hear. I wouldn’t find out about her passing until the next morning but I remember so distinctly feeling her watching me that night as I wrote music. In between each expressive chord composed I thought about her knowing that the cancer would soon take her away from me – from all of us. Little did I know that in that moment she had already slipped away but looking back I felt as though she stayed watching me that night. Assuring me. Forever guiding me with her now eternal love. Even to this day without having played music for a long time, that song is the only piece of music I’ve written that I still remember how to play. Every time I play those notes, I think of her.
I grew up next to the ocean. Perhaps this is why I feel so connected to its’ magnificence. I love admiring the parts of our world that remind me of how small I truly am. The problems I encounter throughout my life always find resolve. As humans, I find that this can be easy to forget. Sitting and watching the waves roll one by one and admitting that we are all tied together – People, currents and the moon.
No matter where I travel to in my life, you will always be a part of me. You are my family. You will always amaze and ground me. Within a life overwhelming, filled with uncertainty and constant change, you are the one I’ve seen proven to remain as the foundation I search for desperately outside of my own soul. And until I can find that foundation within myself, I am forever thankful to you. You are my eternal love.